Besides being a children’s health, safety, and parenting expert, Christie Barnes is also the mother of triplets plus one. When her triplets were just one year old, her husband suffered a stroke and died very quickly. How did she help four children under the age of five cope with the death of their father? Christie gave some advice to the Chicago Tribune for their article, “When is a Child Ready to Attend a Funeral?” that is surprisingly insightful, considering the trauma that she and her family had to overcome.
Here’s what Christie told Wendy Donahue of the Chicago Tribune about helping children to cope with death and funerals…
“One day, my husband was out walking in the park with my 1-year-old triplets and my 4-year-old; the next day he was dead of a stroke,” Barnes said. “He was suffering too extremely to take them to the hospital. I didn’t want that to be their memory of him.”
Whether or not a parent decides a child should attend a funeral of someone he dearly loves, she says the parent must help the child say goodbye in a way that can be recorded. “This may sound outrageous at first, but get your camera ready,” she said. “If the child doesn’t know he was there, he can be plagued with guilt later. And even a 7- or 8-year-old may not remember he was there and involved — so take some photos.”
She’s not suggesting snapshots of a child beside a coffin.
“For my children, at the gathering after the funeral, we had 20 helium-filled balloons. Out came the cameras, and we photographed as we helped the children write messages to Daddy. Then the cameras really clicked as they sent their balloons up to Daddy.”
To read the entire Chicago Tribune article, click here >>
